Rules of Modern Law Enforcement 
 
Narcotics units 
Immediately grow facial hair, tell everybody you were ordered to.
Start watching every episode of Monster Garage.
Buy a biker wallet with a big chain.
Make every case involve overtime $$$.
Buy bunches of boats, RV's, and motorcycles with that overtime.
Learn to play golf drunk. 

SWAT units 
Wear team T-shirts, Oakley sunglasses and boots everyday.
Try to fit the word breach in to every conversation.
Have a mirror handy to check hair, if you have hair.
Never say hello to anyone who is not an operator, just practice your SWAT head nod.
Subscribe to Soldier of Fortune and Muscle and Fitness.
Learn to play golf wearing a gun. 

Community Service units 
Hate SWAT.
Work to make everybody love you.
Paint your office in pastel colors.
Think Feng Shui.
Subscribe to Psychology Today.
Learn to play miniature golf. 

Traffic units 
Write tickets to EVERYBODY.
Spend every weekend cleaning your bike and polishing boots.
Annoy everyone on the radio calling out your stops.
Talk about nothing but how many tickets you wrote in one day.
Ride by a building with big windows to see your reflection.
Golf is lame, motor rodeos are cool. 
 

Administrative Units 
Three-hour lunches everyday, tell everybody it's a meeting.
Upgrade department cell phone every month.
Tell everybody you are published in a national law enforcement magazine.
Update your revenge list on a weekly basis.
Golf Rules! Play lots of golf. 

Patrol Units 
Has nerves of steel.
In a terminal state of nausea from department politics.
Inability to keep mouth shut.
Has defining tastes in alcohol.
Is respected by peers.
Beats the crap out of his caddy on any bogeyed shot. 

Detective Bureau 
Solve no crime before it's overtime.
Learn to play golf while on duty.
Develop important leads for cases somewhere near home right after lunch.
See how far from city you can actually go to lunch without getting caught.